Dream
by Miu-senshi
Summary: With death came the dream, a dream studded past and future. One dream imbued for their deepest longings. A dream that made him forget that he died. Star Trek Into Darkness. Translation of my fic "Sueño".


**Dream**.

**Disclaimer**: Star trek is not mine.

_**Note**_: Located at the end of Into Darkness. This it a translation of my fic "Sueño", in Spanish originally. Sorry for my poor English, but I want to try expand borders and carry my fics a more people. So please, don´t kill me for this sad translation. I hope it is understandable.

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><p>The last thing Jim remembers before falling into the arms of death is Spock. A Spock crying like never thought that he could see mourn him. And he also remember crying and he recalls have been more terrified that it was in Tarsus IV. And it's strange, very strange.<p>

He also recalls asking for _`our ship'_. Because the Enterprise, thinks while that Spock's face is blurred, it was the two, of Spock and Jim. It's in the only thing that he can use the _ours_, because never will exist one _our_ beyond the Enterprise, it is said bitterly.

There will be no `_our home'_; `_our bed'_; `_our anniversary'_; `_our song'_; `_our film'_ ... There will not be, he repeated, because Spock does not love him; or maybe yes, but he has was too cowardly to ask and therefore the _ours_, the _us_ die. It fades between his fingers, that trying to take Spock's hand through the glass that separating them which cruel mockery.

He remember, as in a magic halo withers, the most desperate question has made in life. A vague attempt, he will think later—when he wakes up on the stretcher—of is propose to Spock without he this be conscious of this.

But, who cares keep a secret more?

"I wanted you to know why I couldn't let you die... why I went back for you..."

"Because you are my friend."

And assent, he believed to have assented defeated and hopeful at the same time. Friends, just friends, he repeated with bitterness and happiness, and it's sad because he wants to Spock more than a friend but knowing that Spock considers him a friend and weeping for him is enough.

It is more than enough.

It is a gift, a miracle.

_"In a way,"_ whispers a mocking voice in his head, _"you deserve it, because you rejoiced when Uhura said you that they were fighting; because you did not want they did make peace."_

But in your defense whisper that not everything is your fault. Love is giving and sue, is extravagance and selfishness. And to you, you think, they have loved you so little and you have loved a so few people that when Spock reached your life you did not let him go.

At the time you learned that you falling in love, you think, it was too late to stop it.

You had been caught which one bug in a web. And you did not want to let go the web...

But Spock thinks you are friends and _your_ ship was safe. _Ours_ is not in danger. The crew is fine, the Earth is good, Bones is okay, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu and Chekov are fine, _he's_ all right. And it is frightening, you think, that the mere fact that Spock is all right either more relaxing than the rest of the Enterprise.

Terrifying and wonderful, you think—you will think on the stretcher—because only one person can you make you happy and drive you crazy at the same time.

And for finish your sad happiness she, the Enterprise, the _us_, is safe and suddenly do not feel so afraid while you get lost in the Spock´s chocolates eyes.

Eyes as full of emotions as the sea.

Eyes that you try to remember to fill your heart with the most magical feeling you know; to remind all the way that you love him and his pointed ears; him and his upset—lovely—way to get you out of your boxes.

And although Jim wants to say it's okay, nothing happens, his voice does not come out. His voice vanishes in an exhalation that bouncing against the glass that separates him from Spock and flees to the heart of the Enterprise, whispering words of love opposite her core.

Words he repented to not tell, words that sure will tell him when he wakes up in the hospital bed—but this will happen later and Jim does not know yet. Neither Spock is conscious of it—.

The Death greets Jim before he know it and takes it very away. So far that he will not remember never the road that she tried to teach him.

He remember Iowa, he remember the cornfields, the earth, the sky ... he remember the tears of his mother, the shouting of Frank and Sam´s getaways. He remember the stars and emptiness; he recalls the day her mother took her hand and told him that she must go to the stars.

He remember the day that she left him with promises that they both knew they never will fulfill it.

Then there was the isolation, the constant challenge of Sam against Frank, the smell of alcohol and the Sam´s insults against Frank. Then there was the final break, the break that he never finished arranged with Sam.

He remember the: _"I cannot be a Kirk here."_ He remember watched him and he have wanted to scream to him: _"What the hell is a Kirk?!"_

What were his mother and Sam apart from melancholy and the need to run away? What did it mean to be a Kirk if not was abandon?

Abandon as they were doing with he.

And if that, if abandon and flee, it´s means to be a Kirk, Jim refused to be his father's son. He refused to abandon.

He refused to live haunted by ghosts of the past.

Then there was the car, the damn his father's car that was not in there. The damn car that Frank intended to stay.

He had taken the car and he had crashed it, he had thrown the car off a cliff as he had thrown his attempt to be a good boy. He had felt the blood rushing against his ears, running his veins at breakneck speed; He had felt his heart beating against his chest, fierce and untamed like an animal; and he felt him brain buzzing and awake as he had never felt it.

He did feel alive.

He did feel alive as never believed feel him in the small farm of Iowa.

Then there was the thrashing of Frank. It was not the first time that he thrashing him but he never told his mother. He never told anyone really.

Sometimes, he thought, he would have liked to tell Bones about that; or Spock. Especially Spock. Because he understood also that it was to be underestimated by others.

He remembers that his mother, after talking to Frank, had decided to take him to Tarsus IV with some family.

"Will come be better for you, Jim, will be the best."

Jim had looked her: black clothes (she always wore black clothes), blonde hair collected in a high bun, lipstick pink, blue eyes dull and dotted with red ... and he was silent, he had nodded in silently and he took the fragile smile of his mother.

So fragile, he thought, like a heart.

"I'll see you soon, I'll come see you."

And Jim had taken the lie of his mother with a fake smile, hiding that the swollen cheek and the black eye had been the result of jumping from car—had been Frank—. Winona took Jim's smile and his lie: _"I'll be waiting for you"_; because they both knew the truth.

But sometimes the true is so hard that is most easy live in a lie...

Tarsus was the calm before the storm. It was sweet at first like a spring afternoon and then bitter as death.

Tarsus was the hell. The mourn in silence and the run, the crawl like rats and steal as criminals. It was to the flee and the hate, fear and losing. It was a blow that snatched the innocence, the hope, the dreams, the trust and the believe.

It was the blow that made him throw his love for the stars and boosted him to flee and run away, not knowing where to go.

But then, emerged as a hope, suddenly he was at the Academy and Bones was there. There were not demons or ghosts, no gigantic shadows or death warrant. Only were the quiet days of the Academy.

And then there was the Enterprise, the stars and Spock. Was the moment wherein he had discovered he was in love.

It was not a spectacular moment, in fact it was really stupid now that I thought. But is there, and had surprised him as a slight drizzle.

It had been playing chess. It was while talking. It was surprising and radiant. It was the spring after the long winter. It had been the most charming smile as he could remember. It had been a simple smile, but had loosed all a chain of unexpected thoughts.

It was the _click_ that lit his lamp.

He wished, he wished to tell the truth to him; but it was too late. It was really late.

Therefore he only think about the perhaps; on the idea of _us_. An idea that seemed as fragile as a wish, and he had treasured and carefully with affection, ensuring that it flourish as strong as possible.

And the Enterprise, that still flying, it was the proof that this _our_, that dream that Jim had treasured carefully. It was the proof that there was something, a material link between him and Spock

_"If there existed the wishes,"_ he thought sadly, _"if I were carrying a second chance I wish I could tell you that I love you ..."_

And in the middle of a mental sigh of lament, billions of images exploded behind her closed eyelids. The Pike's voice challenging him to be better, the Spock's voice saying _"our ship"_; the Spock's eyes begging him to stayed with him, that he to perform a miracle—though he knew that miracles do not exist—.

Then he was in a white room—on the stretcher—and Bones chattered and chattered and Jim wanted to hug him tightly. Because he was alive and Bones also.

"I have not been only myself"

And Spock, then he was aware of Spock. And Jim wanted to mourn then, he wanted to hug him and kiss him, he wanted to tell him that he felt worried him and he wanted to scream him: _"How the hell did you thought confront to Khan only?!"_ He wanted to tell him he loved him more than he ever loved anyone and that, strange as it sounded, not terrified him that feeling.

But any notion died when Spock smiled him, when he stayed there even if Bones shouted him twelve times followed:

"Damn elf; you've been watching at Jim since you brought the blood of Khan. He not going to go anywhere, dammit I'm a doctor, not a magician, I will not transform him it into a rabbit. You be calm once..."

But Spock refused it and he stayed with Jim, he stayed with him while he looked him with his expressive eyes taken out of a dream. He stayed with Jim while he whispered him:

"It's _our_ free afternoon."

_Our_, of Spock and Jim and no one else. _Our_ like the Enterprise. _Our_ like the dream they shared in silence without being aware of it—until they finally confessed the biggest of the known secret.—

Because from the moment that Spock helped Jim incorporated him to the stretcher and take their first steps since his `_death'_ they knew that the dream of _our_ was more real and infinite the stars of space.

**End**.

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><p><em><strong>Note<strong>_: Okay, What do you think? I hope that history has made sense. If the answer is yes I will be the most happy amateur writer of the world; if not I sorry, I really, really sorry for have shattered your eyes with this wicked translation.

Whatever case, if this experiment has a resulted more or less proper, maybe I decide make more translation of my fics. But this is only a speculation.


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